Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
