theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
