Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
