I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
