Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
