Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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