OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
