They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
