a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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