is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
