she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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