i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
