I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
