a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
