I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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