I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
