Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
