Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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