i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
