So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
