Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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