I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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