Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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