I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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