When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
