whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
