the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
