Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
