come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So squirting runs in the family.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
