it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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