I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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