He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
