i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He did a backflip because drugs
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
