I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
