come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
