I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
