i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Randomize
