Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
