my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
