That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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