even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
