A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
