her vagine was all disorganized.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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