Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
