No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
