I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
