i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
