If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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