I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Is it penis luge time yet?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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