i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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