Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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