Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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