He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
